You are the only one who reads my blog, so I might as well speak directly to you.
Life has been grand. Since I last posted over 16 months ago (yikes!), we've met our wonderful Ashton. Its so odd that, as parents, if we are lucky, we can "decide" to have a baby. Once the baby is in your arms it seems ludacris that you even paused to think about it. All the reasons why not to have a baby are just the facts of life and in no way tied to this wonderful being cooing and babbling before you.
My heart is ridiculously tender for those families that can't choose to have children and be so quickly successful. Once upon a time, I thought for a brief moment we could be one of those families. The thought alone was suffocating, but (PTL) brief.
With all that being said, let me just say: having two children under the age of two is really hard! Everyone is sleep deprived, the schedule has two variants (the children) so is rarely set, and everyone needs mom all the time. That season is so trying, but I'm already so thankful to have two boys so close in age and I can only imagine that gratitude will only grow over the years.
Some might beg surprised to hear we want to have more children, given the season I am coming off of and the painful pregnancies I tend to have. First, my babies are the best things that have ever happened to me. Second, I think I am supposed to have a daughter. Lastly, I'm looking at the long play. In 30 years, I want a family that is so tight with grandbabies galore. I want to have to custom build a dining room table to fit all my babies and grandbabies at.
One of my old bible study leaders once said that, as a Christian, having babies is so great because its like having all these lights to send off into the world.
You know what's terrifying about that? I can't do that. You know what's calming about that? Christ can.
I pray now more than any time in my life. I pray outloud when I am about to lose it because one of my kids throws my keys down the heating vent. I pray quietly over my babies when they are sleeping with my head bowed begging the Lord to grow in them a desire to follow Him at an early age.
So this calling to have more babies feels more like a calling to rely more heavily on Him. Even when I am not sure how its going to work out (financially, spiritually, logistically), I know its a lesson in faith because most of the time He has a plan that is more perfect than I could have possibly orchestrated.
Wow was this a long entry. Sorry, Steph! :)
And the obligatory picture to make all that wordy business worth it:
You make me laugh, Leslie. I know I have said this a million times, but you are such a gifted writer. I love reading your blogs. They express so much of what is in my heart, but I could never say as eloquently. You are also an amazing mom. I definitely think you should have more kids. That way we have a better chance of becoming in-laws :)
ReplyDeleteYou're too kind. Coming from you that is a huge compliment! You know how it is said that your friends are a reflection of you? You make me feel REALLY good about myself.
DeleteAnd I agree. If we just keep popping them out, two of them are bound to end up together!
I am 100% on the same page. Though, 3, under 3 and still wanting more! I am, however, one of the ones who has to work her buns off to get pregnant :( we spends thousands upon thousands just for the chance! Is it worth it? Yes!
ReplyDeleteIts tiring, but I hear it gets better!
DeleteAnd, yes, my heart is ridiculously tender for you, but I am also so amazed at how God has revealed himself and His miraculous love to you. Your family can is such a beautiful example of "considering it pure joy..."