Anyhow. My son, you know, the one who I recently described as "docile" and "easy going" has cried for hours on end today. Lord, why don't 3.5 month old infants speak? It would be so much easier if he could say "hey, mom, I'm hungry, tired, and my tummy hurts." Instead all I get is baby wailing which when translated comes out "HEY LADY. FIX IT. FIX IT. OHMYGOSH. FIX IT. NOW."
Perhaps he is still upset at me for making him wear this hat in public:
I feel so out of tune with him, which only adds to the stress. He's been with other people Monday through Friday for the past two weeks and it feels as though we've both forgotten how to operate together. Disheartening to say the least. My motherly instinct feels defunct and I'm questioning every action/non-action.
There is so much conflicting advice floating around about how to raise a baby. I researched everything I came across or was suggested, took some of it and left the rest of it. On not-so-good days like today it makes me wonder "What if I took all the wrong stuff? Am I ruining my baby? I must be ruining my baby. No seriously, where is the cap to the Diet Dr. Pepper? Probably next to the remote control. Darn. Where is the remote?"
I can't raise this little boy without God's help and it sure would have been nice if in the Bible He had provided a "Raising Brady Domeyer" book. But God did give me a passenger and I'm muddling through this with Him by my side. He loves Brady even more than I do (weird) and I pray often that when I misstep, as I often will, He makes it right. Even more so I pray that He is getting after my son's little heart and growing a desire in him to follow Him.
So in the future when women are standing in a circle dispensing parenting advice on everything from sleep training to cloth diapers, I hope I remember how those words haunt me on bad days so that I can simply smile and say "Read your Bible and pray as often as you can" when someone looks to me for my motherly advice.
Which is never. And when have I actually ever smiled and replied with only one sentence when someone asked me for any type of advice? But hey, maybe that person will stumble upon my blog and know what reflective Leslie would have said.
And to wrap this day up with a nice pretty bow, this is the boy my hubby will come home to, making my account of the day from Hades seem like a complete exaggeration:
Coming from someone who has worked full-time since Mason was born, it is hard to let others parent your kid all week. At the end of the day however, only I am his mommy, and that is what I try to remember. Brady knows who you are, even if you two aren't quite in sync, just trust your instincts. :)
ReplyDeleteMerissa, I think you make it look so easy. I'm had no idea exactly how impressive your juggling of your full time jobs as paralegal and mommy was until these past couple weeks! I think there is a special crown for you.
DeleteI am sure that you are doing a wonderful job...I am so nervous for all the unknowns, but so thankful that we have a mighty God to lean on, and many friends to bounce ideas off of when we have no idea. Hang in there...maybe it's just his way of letting you know that he wants you close by. ;)
ReplyDeleteThe unknowns are scary, but I think you'll do just grand, Lauren.
DeleteThat is a wonderful point - my God wants me close by. Boy does that make me feel special.
Your honesty is refreshing, Leslie. I think so many women use Facebook and blogging to only present highlights of how amazing they are as mothers, which only serves to further perpetuate any feelings of inadequacy other mothers who read such postings might have. Honestly, I'd be more concerned if you thought you knew everything. To me, that would lack authenticity. You are learning to parent Brady as humbly and uniquely as he deserves. I can't even imagine how hard it must be feeling like you are out of touch with your child, but I agree with Merissa - Brady knows who is mom is. And there is absolutely no other woman on earth who could fill that role for him as perfectly as you.
ReplyDeleteP.S. It took me 4 tries to beat the captcha (?) game just to post that freaking comment, so you better know how much I mean it. Ha
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm horrible at that too. So horrible that sometimes I wonder if I am one of the robots their trying to keep from posting.
DeleteThanks for your kind words, Ms. Natalie. Very encouraging.